it has been many months; since i last went to church.

since when did my faith in lord fall by this much.
no; you dont measure it by going to church alone.
but the feeling of trusting,loving lord is no longer there.

i miss those times where i will be so enthusiastic towards god.
i miss those times of serving.

tell me what can i do.
sigh.
i know god loves me. i know he does.
but it's really disheartening when your faith in lord just starts to fade.
day by day.

many people see this as fun.exciting.enticing.
its a whole load of bull; this i say.
somehow, i'm really worn out from this ratrace.
however, what's contenting is that i'm nearing the finishline.
somehow; somewhere.

at the end of the day; i know i won't regret this.
i know im able to do it.
it's within me.
and you.

say hello to charissa and goodbye to tessa.

i love my dad;
i love my mom;
i love my sister;
thank you all three for making it a family matter even when it's me who's purchasing a laptop.
you three are all i can ever ask for in life.

To all my friends still stuck in thailand.

please come back safely.

we are missing you already!

it's really true when people say " the grass is greener on the other side ".

much to my dismay on how much i don't want to believe it, i think its all going haywire.

sigh. (icantbreathe.icantbreathe.)

oh well, on a lighter note; projects for this semester are more/less done!

sigh; it's somehow good taking up the initiative to lead in projects but somehow and somedays, you just feel so flustered and shitty that you just want to take a break.

right.

you know, my laptop crashed earlier last week.

and being the really retarded being, i forgot to backup my files! unlucky,much.

that explains why am i still online on msn at like 5-6am in the morning.

bottomline: backup your files today.

no i'm not finished, after the crash; the performance of my laptop has been really bad.

the other line; never get a lenovo cause it can go suck bricks.

mine's going to suck on bricks soon because i'm getting a new laptop real sooon.

but it's somewhere around vaio/asus/apple.

okay.

here is something which cracked me up real badly.

you know there are times when mothers just want to narrow down the generation gap .

here is a classic example.

[phonecall from mommy]

ed : Hey mom, What is it? My class just ended.
mommy : "hey dear; dad's colleague bought us a yamcake and it's damn nice! "
ed : "Oh okay "
-pauses for 5 second -
ed "Wait! what did you say the cake was? "
mommy: " damn nice! "

I swear, i laughed the loudest in the longest time ever.

end.

why am i a victicm of all your unjust judgementalism.
why must it be me?

a friend once asked me " ed; when will you break down? you're always standing so high and tall; each time i see you. :

my reply was " sooner or later; i'm human too "

you can lash your swagging tongues and bitch about me; but please; don't get my friends involved. why must you label her as something i can't even see her as. just leave her alone; she's busy enough herself.

i'm not your average friend;
im just happy and thankful that i found you guys; so willing to stand by me;
never am i going to let myself get affected by the insignificant comments.
like i said; they are insignificant and they'll remain that way.

right now; im just thankful because of your mean and hurtful remarks; something positive came out of it. xoxo to ya'll -you sadistic people deserve them.
stop trying so hard to make me feel defeated because of all things in this damn world; i know i'm least affected.

kthxbye.

it's been a long while ever since i started feeling this way.

the feeling of carrying a torch for someone; no; even i cant believe it.
i dont intend to ignite anything; it's never my wish and i doubt anything can turn out right.

perhaps; when the world's less judgemental.
for now; i really like this feeling and i just want it to stay that way.

alright; i'm just going to blog a short bit on my recent batam trip.

I went over on Friday Night while some of them were already over there.
I met up with gwendolyn and ning to meet up with dav and we headed over to batam!
the boat ticket is approximately 40+ for a 2 way trip; so it's rather worth it. HAHA.

we slept in one of dav's house;
i was rather delightful that i went there because i actually managed to catch some sleep!
heh; having only 2 hours of sleep a day is just murderous!!!

some of the fun stuffs we did were; wakeboarding, airgun shooting and uh oh ya; A&W! .
their waffles is just asswipe but too bad a&w is totally wiped off the shores of singapore. AHHH shucks.

hmm; that's about it.

to dav-
well; i have no idea why you totally psyched out on sunday night & that got me freaked out.
Being a host at a place so distant is defintely not an easy job; somedays, you feel unappreciated; somedays you felt really bad when indirect comments hurt your feelings. I could sense it all. I could sense that huge wave of disappointment you had; somehow.

all i can say now is; you have been one helluva host. I appreciate all that you and your parents had done for us; in terms of lodging, meals and entertainment. i appreciate it; i guess; next time, i'll show my appreciation by baking for you all.

thank you so much for giving me this 4D3N breakaway from school.
thank you so so much! I wished I could have stayed longer but time really didnt allow me to do so.

ever since i came back; i knew the reality button was already tabbed on.
back to the sad reality; schwork.
sigh.

back from batam.

batam was Y .

what a good breakaway from the whatevers.
<3

" if i were a boy "

somehow, the whole song is just tear-jerking!


the duos are much better than beyonce; vocally that is.
i really like their signature tagline "so we hope you guys like it, love it, hate it, whatever, just enjoy it and bear with us".
somewhat, they represent the pride of asians.

" If I were a boy I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed "

somehow, not all can relate to this song
but i believe selective people would be.
& i am just happened to be one of the unlucky ones.

i would like to end this entry with the following messege
" somedays, i love what you're doing to me;
yet somedays, i hate it. "

well, i didn't manage to go for the np45 with the ambassadors.

but we went to somewhere with more crowd, more fun and more alcohol. teeeehaaaaaa!
we and a bus chartered to bring us to grand corptone's hotel which we had a room booked.
we dump all our belongings, place our final touchup and accessories and there we go.

ZOUK WAS FANTABULOUS

I saw JOYCEPEHPEH & CHERYLBEEEHOOON- BIG FAT ALUMNIS FROM NP AMBASSADORS.
it's halloween! we just couldnt stop dancing at the dancefloor.
we drank even more after we stopped dancing.
:o
fauzi and i were siblings of the night.

now i ask. when is our next session ? :O