so quick; and it's the 13th of january, 2009.

anyway; happy birthday brandon meatspin.
happy birthday you meatspinner!

I was pondering alittle when i was staring at myself infront of the mirror;
i'm 18.( and a half ).
just how comical and amusing my 18th year on earth was.
all shits just come slapping at you when you're 18.
like - getting into a freaking car accident, contracting shingles, feeling such a big disappointment that made me feel defeated. friends arent friends; lost a girl-friend :( - well, she lost me ( a better way of putting it ) and many more which i dont want to name.

18. it has been such a rollercoaster ride in the year 2008.
i must admit the happys made me felt blissed with whatever i have; contrastingly, the sads made me felt defeated.

Oh well, I am very single and available; I thought of mentioning this here because someone asked if i was attached earlier when i was outside school and i went " no? "

sometimes, i feel sad for some couples who quarrel over trival matters. sigh; relationship isn't that way. they can quarrel over simple matters like travelling far away from each other? srsly; phu-lease! it's so bloody mind-boggling when such arguements occur when they are already in a relationship. isn't a relationship something between two partners who are willing to be selfless and love in a non-obligational manner. It saddens me how couple claims to the whole damn world that they are attached but their actions don't seem to reflect the fact that they are attached. ( im not trying to be a relationship doctor but its just my own opinion in relationship ).

some couples quarrel over monetary issues; yes; i'm not saying that money is not important in a relationship. It is ; but argumenting over such issues just depicts how much juvenility your relationship contains.

my ideal of a relationship or love is simply; awaking each day wanting to see my partner. the eagerness of wanting to meet my partner as soon as possible. the urge to know that my partner is doing fine. the constant images of my partners flashing across my mind.
I know it's pretty simple; but shouldn't a relationship all boils down to the point where no factor can change the love between the two partners? not money, not distance, not even your disputes over which movie to watch ( GOD! ).

i've been pretty much single all my life.
it's not a bad thing seriously.
living a life just for self.
many times, i thought i was ready to step into one but when it's all turning reality, i hurriedly back off.
i dont know if i am ready still.
i'm sorry if ive hurt anyone; i don't mean so.
even if i did, i chose to hurt you at the start when i didnt mean much.
i dont want to get into one relationship whereby i'll realise later that i can't love you whole-heartedly, trust me, it'll be much more painful at that time.
i hurt you because you're someone who matters and i don't want to lose you.

i hope you'll understand after reading this.
it really sucks when no is the word that comes out of my mouth constantly.
i'm terribly sorry.