A New Chapter

2010-05-18T16:59:00.003+08:00

I guess I was indeed on a blog-hiatus for long enough. This only occured to me when I was reading the wonderful marvels of this crime-fiction book tittled: Out by Natsuo Kirino. I guess my awareness and conciousness whispered to my ears to start writing again. I should honestly start penning down the marvels of my somewhat wonderful and colorful life.

In a nutshell of what's actually going on in my life for the past few months, I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic. It has been a fruitful three years. Many friendships forged which I hold on to dearly. Many wonderful lecturers who helped me along the way. If there's ever one thing which I am so proud of since 2007, it has to be the big T. my transformation and acceptance. Thinking back on how I denied and controlled my true self, it has got to be the most miserable period of my life. It even made me question my existence. Trust me to not look back anymore. After I finally learnt to accept and embrace my true self, I am undoubtedly a happier man. (Is it too early to use man? If being 20 isn't too early then I guess I do fit the bill!)

So the enlistment letters came, twice!
When I first received the enlistment letter, to report to tekong. I was elated because I'll just be going through what majority of the freshly-shaven boys are going through.

It all came as a shocker yesterday when I received another set of enlistment letter. In this set, it tells me that my postage to tekong has been revoked and I am supposed to be reporting to Pasir Ris Camp instead of Tekong. Lord, am I ever more honoured to receive such orders - in an iniquitous manner. I guess since this is already a done deal, I have to stop bitching and live with it since there isn't any viable options. Actually, there is this one ultimate option but I doubt I'll ever be touching on that.

mmm. I guess this is as far as this entry gets. :)

2009-10-03T14:51:00.003+08:00

it has been a month since attachment started.

it's fun but never easy .

I love my workplace!

you know, i longed for peace but i know it's never going to be possible because you played the game disgustingly gross. I'm just going to turn on my ignorance tab. I guess I am immune of it because you're really really one of the worst players.

I do not care if you offend anyone with the kind of games you're playing but just don't cross my line. I may appear to be nonchalant, but I know everything you did. Just don't cross my line. If this is your first time playing this game, this game of life, this game of survival, you'll be fucking disappointed to know that it isn't my first time playing this game. The stakes of this game is just too high, you may end up getting hurt or are you already hurt?

We've all seen you torn and hurt yet all of us felt unyielding about this whole issue. You probably deserve it. but oh well, whatever! I don't wish to talk about this issue any longer. you're just gross. kaythxbye.

heh. on a lighter note. I've decided to continue with Driving Lessons.

I've been procrastinating about driving ever since I passed my Final Theory Test.

I dont even know why I signed up for it! AHHHH, my parents! They were the ones who asked me to take up the Theory Tests and in order to snap their naggings, I did and I passed them. Its about Time. I only have 24 hours a day, it's just so little !

Alright, I am really really really tired because I chatted with mkhoo all the way till 7.10 am this morning until my mom decided to pry open my room!!!! & I managed to con her pretending that I was asleep.

M; you're just a great individual! just freeze the accounts and stop thinking so much.

you don't want to be THE killer. not now.

Dream.

2009-09-04T02:05:00.003+08:00

I always had this unrealised dream so whimsical. I have no clue when I'll step out of this comfort zone to chase after this dream. I'm getting fearful here, I dare not, I'm afraid that i'll end up hurting everyone. Then again, we turn to dreams when we cant fit it into our realistic goals. Doesn't it amaze you how human always find means to make ourselves feel better.

Mankind's just weird with questions. Your teacher in school may always say "It's always good to ask. Never stop asking!" Is it really true to question every single thing humans do. That said, I'm talking about questioning motive and purpose.

I simply can't fathom why we humans always have this misconception about people. (I'm not a perfect being, I'm guilty of that too) In my social circle, I think I've seen enough but I guess it's so much that I'm being clouded as to what's genuinely nice and "pretending" to be nice. I really do think I've seen enough. Thus, I always question. I question their purpose and motive.

Is life really that simple. It probably would a century ago when you can see Farmer Edmund plough the field. The world can simply be described as a rat race. Every single one of us has subconciously fallen into this pit of menace and in order for anyone to survive in this ugly pit, we have to play the game. This game probably doesn't just include specific matters, this is a game of life. Don't you think? (I'm looking at this in awe because I very much believe that I've lost touch with blogging but I guess that is suffice for now, I can go on about this vicious circle but I want to stop!)

I'm pretty much excited about attachment that will be happening in just a few days time. I am looking forward to my internship with an open mind. I do not bother about what people say. People can say all they want about my fellow interns but I have decided to not conform to their beliefs. I'll treat this with an open heart and make my own belief.

it's almost 230am.
and i'm glad i took time to blog because examinations has ended. I am really happy because I won't need to sit for anymore papers (for the next 3 years at least, with the inclusion of my national service towards this nation which i friggin' love)

Many people my age would consider their "best" play years a past, but I consider mine ahead. I guess all I wanted to say is : STOP CONFORMITY. HAVE YOUR OWN STAND!

(END)

Happy for you?

2009-08-24T22:52:00.002+08:00

No. there are times where you'll be genuinely happy for a friend over his or her success.
Very often, I ask if I'm happy for you as a very good friend. You have climbed the ladders of success and now you're leading one of the most noticeable group.

youve satisfied this whole world by losing yourself and for that, i feel for you and its definitely not happiness. it's something we all call "sadness". I do feel blue for you. If i've stepped in as a capacity of a friend to tell you that you're losing yourself. Would you have listened or turned your back on me. That's something I don't know because I never tried, I would very much like to know.

You've turned yourself into this freak that i really dont know and i do not wish to have anything to do with you in anyway, much less attending your party. Cut me some slack please. I do not wish to entertain you anymore. I was, in the past but for now, I really see no need in doing that. just cut me some slack. I loved you before in that same capacity as a friend but right now, I really wish that you could get out of my life. your texts are pretty disturbing, much less your fucking face and voice.

I would like to say thank you for being a part of my life but honestly, I just can't find it anywhere back there. KAYTHXBYE.

I do not want to drag this entry any further because I have a paper to study for. TAXATION 2 is one hell of a bitch. SERIOUSLY.

2009-08-07T21:28:00.003+08:00

hey bitches.

ill try to keep this short.
my attachment placing is at Citibank and somehow, i should be happy but i ain't.
why is that so.

oh well, im just praying that everything turns out fine on tuesday. I'm pretty excited to work for GE but . . . . the details are somehow not finalised.

not happy at all.

screw this.

2009-07-21T20:16:00.002+08:00

nobody gets it.
why is that so?????
there are just somedays in life where you just want to be alone.
it's just this phase where you feel that nobody understands you. :(

it's just like the world listening to Whitney Houston while I would just like to plug on my earphones to listen to It's my Life - Bon Jovi. SIGH. Life has been pretty depressing...

I really do need the right ingredients to spice up my life.
I'm working towards achieving balance. B.A.L.A.N.C.E

do you get it?
I doubt so.

a very special friend.

2009-06-15T21:47:00.003+08:00

needless to say, I do have this very special friend in life.
her name is geraldina. over dinner earlier, we managed to catch up with each other, updating ourselves to each other and then, it got me thinking how fast time flies. we've been there for each other for SEVEN(7)(SE-VEN) years. it's a really long time to me. There are some friends whom you can forgo while there are some whom you just can't forgo. I'm certain that she belongs in the latter.

It's been seven years. we have came a long way to where we are now. I'm also fucking elated that we're both outshining those who once undermined our capabilities, i'm just glad. Our friendship is nothing but a celebration. really it is. there's one thing im so sure of, without you, i wouldnt have been what i am today. wtihout you i wouldnt dare face this world myself. thank you for making me feel all good about myself. thank you for giving me the greatest pat of courage when i needed one on my shoulder.

I've came up with this theory. . . When thank you is all a friend can say to another friend, that just shows that the other friend has just been wonderful. I dont want to sound mushy right here but tears really filled my eyes as I was reading your card.

okay let's move on, I passed my final theory test which means I can learn driving already, oh wait, not so soon. I still have to attend some crash course. :S sounds like a total waste of time (again)... as if i havent wasted enough time on passing the theory test alone.

& yay. I love my family.
i really do. and I havent been clubbing for a really long time ... so long that clubbing feels weird to me now :( ahhhh. will probably do it soon. . . .like soooon!

a month so long.

2009-06-04T18:25:00.002+08:00

its offically june.
i know i haven't been blogging for a really long time.
many times i come into this blogspot and i just find myself tonguetied or rather mind-tied. there's just so much I want to blog about but I just dont know where to start.
I think i've lost all my flare in penning down my thoughts. it's really a sad matter, looking at the me one year ago, I very much believe I was happier. I really was. now im just feeling blue and torn.

alright. vaio offically sucks. i'm going down to have my laptop serviced now. (dont fucking make me smash you like my retarded and now dysfunctional lenovo) - don't fucking fall in love with me. yes i'm that abusive.

2009-05-01T17:04:00.005+08:00

i wonder if any of you remembered what was mentioned in this blog many many posts ago.
'' dont ever try to please the world, even if you can sucessfully achieve that feat, you'll probably lose yourself ''

yes, we've seen you losing yourself.
why would you want to try and please the world when you yourself know that its impossible. (shrugs)
if you're unhappy with something, just voice it out and slam us down up front.
now everything just feels awkward. so damn weird.
and i really hate it.
im not upset that you snapped. i'm just upset at how you were still trying to get your point across when everything is already not making sense. everything sounded so senseless back then, even until today it still sound senseless to me.
and personally i think you crossed the line in a way or so.
i thought i didnt know you anymore for the very first time or maybe, we never really knew each other from the very beginning.

all i can say is, all the best in your life.

2009-04-26T17:05:00.002+08:00

When I thought that things would be better,the harsh reality is that it's only the beginning of a arduous and tiresome journey.

Will I even survive this. :(

2009-04-25T23:23:00.000+08:00

life's not good.
just not good.
fag.

2009-04-19T23:17:00.004+08:00

walking radio is the term of the day.
so you may ask.
what's a walking radio?

well, fuck you all walking radios.
i know i shouldnt be blogging about this AT ALL.
but it really gets on my nerve when all these inconsiderate imbeciles blast their music from their cell.
oh man, get a life dude. maybe ill groove if youre playing some bollywood music.
its so evident that you people require attention. yes, the noise you're creating with your cell is giving you limitless attention. people just turn around and look down at you. (note; its down).
and yes. do you want to know why am i so against walking radios.
back then in 2005 or was it 2006. "Hips don't lie" was definitely my favourite song... listening to it whenver i have the chance. but screw this walkingradiogirl. she blasted it so loud with her phone that i just stopped listening to it.
& IT HAS TO HAPPEN AGAIN TODAY. YOU JUST KILLED ANOTHER OF MY FAVOURITE SONG!!!!!!! :(:(:(

school starts tomorrow.
im just unwilling to finish my last semester.(very unwilling)
tomorrow marks the start of my last semester in school.
its the last semester where ill have morning rides to ngeeannpolytechnic. my last semester.
i know the change in me has been vast since 2007. but im really happy with my change.
nownownow.
lets see. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMO!
we had lunch at the white rabbit earlier.
the decor was really nice ( just think of an air conditioned church with nice furnishings)

im turning in. :(

2009-04-17T20:55:00.001+08:00

BEFORE I HEAD OUT.
I actually wanted to share this video with you guys which pretty much made my friday morning pleasant!

WONDER-GUYS. THEY ARE HILARIOUS!

2009-04-17T20:49:00.002+08:00

PARTAYEEEEE @ ZOUK .
&
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I am excited Y

and i have a meeting in sch tomorrow.
this spells....SHIT.

the messege

2009-04-16T22:15:00.003+08:00

9.17 pm - " hey edmund, can you help me take the unsalted butter out from the fridge?"
I received a msg from my mommy asking me to take out a piece of unsalted butter to allow softening.

i did just that. im thinking... " she's probably baking for her church friends again."

it got me pondering...
baking used to be my favourite past time. baking for friends, special ocassions.
then again, is that the reason why i personally bake? i beg to differ.
to me, baking for others is actually my way of showing appreciation for what you have done.
its not like i have all the time in the world to bake for you , i can simply buy but i just know that with every mouthful you swallow, you tend to forget what these cookies/cakes/pies were for.

school's technically starting next week.
im embarking on my last semester of studies (thank god) like ive said before, it isnt easy at all in my course. nonetheless, ive survived 4 fatiguing semesters. somedays it got me thinking whether im even in the right course. but i guess im least affected or never really was but it's just sad. really.

im hoping to end this last semester of study with happyness.
please. people, if you're reading this, patronise me for all i care.

mommy's getting another year older.(soon)
since she likes baking so much.
my sister and i have sorta decided on what to get for her.
:) its a friggin awesome cake mixer from kitchenaid
http://www.cookware-online.co.uk/images/product/main/KA_KSM150.jpg
just look. i know its awesome!
and its available in singapore too!

head down to mayer today! if you didnt know, mayer is a shop specialising in selling kitchenwares. there's an offer now, its usual price is about 899, now its like 799?
(i know i may be sounding excited because i cant wait to use it ) HEH!

2009-04-12T22:13:00.003+08:00

my life's made for much more.
im sorry. i really am.
blame this desire that's deeply ingrained.
the desire to be an achiever.
somedays, i do feel good with what i considered them to be my achievements.
somedays, they just seem so insignificant to me.
enough said.

life will get back at you. this, i always remember.
life itself has this score so unsettled.
with so many sigh(s) heaved.
i think im better off reading my BASIC THEORY OFFICIAL HANDGUIDE.
IVE FAILED THE FIRST TIME.
TONIGHT'S THE DETERMINANT TO WHETHER IM GOING TO WASTE TIME ON IT AGAIN.

in the first place, why did i even take up driving.
TO PLEASE MY PARENTS.
IM DOING SOMETHING I DONT EVEN SEE MYSELF DOING.

school's starting on the 20th.
so people, get ready to clean up your dirty ass(es).

2009-03-30T12:50:00.004+08:00

i guess we have to stop trying.
we really have to.
we have been trying so hard to get things going on but just recently, i realised that we are getting nowhere.
i guess what had brought us both together is no longer there, if it still was; we wouldn't be like this.

i've already done everything i can, just everything but now it's time to move on.
im completely aware of my unhappiness and thanks to it, i wasn't even able to catch a wink.
just stop whatever you're doing for us because i guess its time for me stop. you're every reason why i feel unhappy and uneasy.

nothing's turning out the way we wanted it to be and its just amusing at how nothing works out when we are trying to make things work. i just wanted to let you know that i am elated to see the change in you. keep it that way, don't revert back to your old ways when i'm less involved in your life.

my life shouldn't be how it is now.
i guess ive suffered enough injustice and you know it, (only you)
i need to try and love myself more.
just so you know, i really don't feel happy anymore.
give me a complete break. stop whatever we're doing. i've thrown in the white flag. you probably shouldnt hold on to it, just let go and live our lives like how we used to before we met each other.

2009-03-25T20:56:00.003+08:00

if you want to drink. dont puke.
(if you want to, find the right place to puke)

please dont be a killjoy and puke all over the place because firstly it stinks like a garbage dump.
and please save people the hassle of washing up. im thankful that none of my friends are like that ; i mean even if they want to puke, they'll puke in the toiletbowl. <3 them for their SANITY.

having said all these, im recovering well. my fever got as high to 38.5, and ive been resting constantly since then; aside for the fact that i went to juying secondary school for boothduty.
friday's coming and i cant wait.

im not working this holiday ( AGAIN! )
ahh. hahaha.
srsly, i detest putting myself down in the service line where the customers are always right, if that's the case, i'ld rather be the customer than the employee. greatness.

few more weeks till school reopens! be recharged everyone but before school reopens, be prepared for the reopening of someplace momentous :D to me at least.

2009-03-24T17:52:00.002+08:00

St Michael The Archangel,
defend us in battle,
be our defense against the wickedness
and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou.
O prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of god,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls.
AMEN.

somewhat, i just love this prayer to st. michael ; the archangel.
amen.

2009-03-20T20:20:00.002+08:00

My heart is smiling jubilantly just like the amount of sparkle this picture has; everything about this picture is just perfect. the smile, the sparking eyes.

you may be wondering why im smiling from the inside, im glad to tell you that im so happy with the balance i've achieved. this state of balance where i can study hard and party, all at the same time . it all boils down to time management.

my tutor - karenquah msged me early this morning " give me a 5 man, well done again!"
then i checked my results; it reflected 3.9 ( tell me about drama ) but i did far more better than i expected.
i was pleasantly surprised that i got an A for my management accounting. ( not trying to boast but i would have already been contented with a B+)

i would just like to say thankyou to msquah.
she has been my financial accounting tutor for 4 out of the 5 studying semesters.
though she wont be teaching AFA next semester but i really enjoyed myself thoroughly in her class; she is ever approachable and she told me " you have my no. emergency hotline is always available." then i gave off a small chuckle over the sms.

but what makes it so god damn satisfying is that, over this semester, ive been enjoying life too, like going to a friend's house at batam for 4 days when school is going on as per normal; partying as hard as ever, house parties, drinking sessions perfectly fit for a pimp!. I definitely feel liberated right now.

LIBERATED IN A GOOD WAY.
but what a ride it was.
and now im marching on to the fifth lap.
it's happening way too fast and i just hate it when my 19th birthday is reaching (somewhat soon)!

2009-03-17T01:00:00.002+08:00

PETRIFIED; it's time to be.
i dont know what the fuck happened on saturday night.
just feels so bad to kill the joy.

maybe we shouldnt have opened bottles.
so much for getting so high and swallowing tablets which stranger fed me with.
trouble.
this spells trouble.

it felt like euthanasia. hmmm.
really i swear. i didnt even feel any pain when i fell down for times so countless.
i only realised it the next morning that i have such a big cut on my feet. GRAH.

HOIHOIHOI.
HOIHOIHOI.
AND YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! HALO IS FINALLY BEING PLAYED IN CLUBS.
HELLL YES! :)

2009-03-07T20:01:00.002+08:00

7th march 2009 is definitely a day to remember for mstoh and her husband issac.
the newly weds held their wedding function at four seasons hotel and i thank mstoh for inviting cindy,amanda and me.

it wasn't just a wedding lunch, but rather a holy matrimony and the abundance of blessings which god showered the newly weds and those present. for a very very long while, i haven't had that feeling already; the feeling of god's blessing and love overflowing so much that i was about to drown! another joyious event which happened was i managed to catch up with some of my primary school teachers and they remembered me! I wasn't notorious! ( trust me on that! )

after the function, it started pouring!
thus, we decided to cab home and not long after, the cab passed by my school ( ngeeannpoly).
and whamp; a chain of thoughts just came through.
im rather saddened by the fact that april 2009's semester will officially be my last schooling semester. there is a whole load of people i want to thank for helping me get through year 2. it hasnt been easy but nonetheless, we made it!

first and foremost.
geraldina; for your constant encouragement and telling me not to give up when the going gets tough or tougher. it was never an easy road but your words of encouragement made the road seem walkable.

cindy
dearest cindy. though we drifted a little but the bond is always there when we meet up and we never fail to update each other and always sharing a good laugh about whatever we've missed out on each other!

amanda lee; amanda, i dont know if you know this but i really really really appreciate the fact that you've been a part of my life. you've left footsteps in my heart. never failing to fill me up with the juciest news and i know year 2 hasnt been easy for you especially semester 2 but at least, we got it over and done with! just one more semester :) and i know you're still finding the right direction to march on but i have faith that you will find the right path once you graduate from ngeeann!

faithchristinelim.
faith darling.
thanks for listening to me all these while; and accepting me for who i am, never asking me to change who i am just to please the fucking world. thanks for that i appreciate it.

bernicejayneang.
thanks for all the laughter you have given me.
you're hilarious, and you're healthy, you're entertaining and definitely a great listener.
thanks for listening to me rant.

kimhyuntae.
heh dude. thanks for being there for me whenever i needed you.
you're someone reliable and i know i can always depend on you for all the shits that's going through.

and ALL. all who has helped me in a way or another. thanks for making it possible for me to get by year 2. that's about it, my closing entry as a year 2 student. OMFG. you dont have to remind me that im turning 19 this year. SHEEEESH.

2009-02-27T13:05:00.002+08:00

YAY.
FINALLY. SO OVER AND DONE WITH THE PAPERS.

EDMUND'S BACK.
PARTYING.
DRINKING.
SLOOOOZING.

:)

this week has been such a drag.
from saturday all the way to this morning.
i was on the verge of snapping yesterday.
thankfully my beloved friends knocked some nutsense into my numbskull.
loveyall.

okay.okayokay.
i so need to rest now so i can party later.
tata.
tete.
tahtah.
srsly, wtf.

2009-02-07T12:08:00.003+08:00

"The Best"

it was one of those mornings where i had to rush out of the house due to my dad's unavailability in driving me to school. im not someone who enjoys being late and ironically; it was my first time being late for the whole semester! clocking in at an impressive timing of 25 mins after class commenced.

while journeying to school, i suddenly remembered that i forgot to wish my mom a "good morning" and bid my mom "goodbye". thus i decided to text her.
I sent her " Mom. I just realised i haven't said good morning to you when i left the house. Well, have a good day ahead"
my mom replied " Thanks! May the god bless you too"
my reply was " he does? oh well. "
my mom replied " dear, remember to listen to mom and that i always give you the best"
and i replied her " mom, i dont wish to talk about this right now"

albeit i said that i dont wanna talk about it but what's the best.
where is that line that defines best and notbest.
seriously,
i think im losing my faith big time.
ouh man.

the examinations are around the corner.
prioritising is the key :) parties can always come later.
right now, it's almost about time that i hit the books.
so sorry to many many of my clubbing friends that i am not able to join ya'll for all the booze,slutdrinks and dancingfrenzy. pardon me but i'll be back!

2009-02-01T14:07:00.005+08:00

WHAT THE FUCK.

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I REPEAT MYSELF.
DONT FUCKING RANSACK MY STUFFS/BUYS/CLOTHES.
I SERIOUSLY CAN'T BE BOTHERED IF YOU DO IT BEHIND MY BACK.
BUT HOW COULD YOU DO IT INFRONT OF MY FACE.
DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SLAMMING YOUR SON'S PRIDE SO F-ING HARD.
I ALREADY SAID, I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU RANSACKING MY STUFFS.
YET YOU STILL GO AHEAD AND DO IT RIGHT INFRONT OF MY FACE.
DON'T MY WORDS WEIGH MUCH TO YOU? YOUR ONLY SON'S WORDS.
I AM SO SO SO IRRITATED RIGHT NOW, FUCK YOU AND YOUR CHURCH INVOLVEMENT.
IF YOU COULD BE SO INVOLVED IN CHURCH, WHY NOT BE MORE INVOLVED AT HOME AND NOTICE THAT YOUR LOVED ONES ARE CHANGING.( IF YOU DO CONSIDER ME AS ONE).

I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE HOW YOU ACTUALLY OPEN MY BAG INFRONT OF MY FACE.
SHOULD I NOT STOP YOU IN TIME, YOU WOULD HAVE UTTERED YOUR LAME COMMENTS ON WHAT IS IN THAT BAG.

I FUCKING TOLD YOU I DONT BUY MY LIFE FROM THE BIBLE.
SO FUCKING STOP ASKING ME TO GO TO CHURCH.
DO YOU KNOW, I FUCKING FEEL LIKE RIPPING THE NECKLACE IVE BEEN WEARING.
I WEAR IT JUST TO FUCKING PLEASE YOU. YOU AND YOUR SELFISHNESS.
YOU BETTER STOP RANSACKING MY STUFFS.
FUCKOFFANDGO PLEASE.

DON'T PUSH ME ANY FURTHER.
SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN TRY.
YOU HAVE ALREADY CREATED THIS BIG DEVIL UNKNOWINGLY.
JUST PUSH ME FURTHER AND I'M SO SORRY; THIS NEWS WILL JUST SHOCK YOU SO BADLY.

2009-01-28T17:30:00.002+08:00

"One Night Only"
and definitely one of a kind.

saintjames was fabulous.
fabulously saintjames.
even though it was my first time there. ironically, it'll be my last.
ill miss the place, the people and definitely the podium.

ouh well.
i need some excitement in life.
it feels like a drag now.

hmmmph.
life's like that.
it doesnt happen the way you want it to.
but srsly, what can we do.
tell me about it and go suck bricks. kthxbye

2009-01-26T03:03:00.002+08:00

here are some pictures.

im not allowed to post all the pictures but just enjoy all these first.
<3.

<3.

2009-01-25T21:28:00.003+08:00

BURPS.BURPS.BURPS.

reunion dinner at gramps was just fine.
ouh well, the feeling of lethargy is hitting me bad.
non stop clubbing since friday night and guess what; i went on saturday night again.
thank goodness, it's lunar new year's eve and my mom wouldnt allow me to club tonight but its fine its all fine. i had my fair share of fun over the past 2 days. and and and, ima club on cny day1.
heh.

i know i know, lunar new year is arriving in like just 2.5 hours.
arent you excited like all the red packets.
i definitely am. HEH.
when i was clubbing yesterday, i received 2 red packets. heh.
it's a team of people from action for aids. HEH.
needless to say, the red packets were filled with 2 condoms, 1 packet of lubricant and a AFA badge.
yes. before you pound, please wear a condom. hahahaha.

oh; anyway;
happy lunar new year people.
get lotsa red packets.
heh;

right now. im just going to lay quiet at the balcony and enjoy the sweet breeze.
<3<3<3<3<3<3

play with me. :)

2009-01-19T22:07:00.003+08:00

life has been much fun lately.

met up with timmie,joshua; ken and his bunch of friends (whom i dont really remember)
anyway; we went clubbing and i really had fun. like real fun with them.
ouh well.
havent seen with ken for 2 years and when we finally decided to meet in a club.
ouh well whatever srsly.

ken msged me today saying i changed alot.
" you have changed into someeone who is true to himself, going for who you are and what you want to be.. someone who has no restriction in life"
well; thank you mister. i know im free spirited.
ahhhh. i really love life right now.

clubbing plans.
fridaynight with b/f/l and his sekzy friends.
saturday & monday ( right, it's the lunar new year )
see ya sekzies around if you're heading down. :)

2009-01-17T09:46:00.003+08:00

boooooo.
i heard some friends conversing and at some point; they were talking about how good this guy is in a relationship with his girlfriend.
so "good" that his girlfriend asked " why havent you asked me for sex after we've been in a relationship for so long? "
the guy replied " Who's going to bear and shoulder all the responsibility when something happens? Who is going to face the shame when something happens? it's going to be you (girl) and because I love you, i dont want something like this to happen."

hmmm; call that true love if you want; but i won't buy that. i didnt rebut what my friend said because i respect him and his words so i just kept quiet. i lay silent but OHMEGOD; can you feel that sense of dubiety; that amount of disbelief was just killing me. no, its not that i dont believe what he said, yes; such good guys exist.
BUT HELLLO MISTER; THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED A CONDOM.
okay fine, condom doesnt mean a fullproof plan but still, it's a god damn condom.
talking about condoms ( I still have that agnes b condom. yes people, it's agnes b)
in my opinion, sex is perfectly fine; seriously fine. i'm open enough to accept that some of my peers has had sex with his/her partners.

I may be a catholic; but like i've mentioned, i dont buy my faith from the bible.
I think drinking is perfectly fine; clubbing yeah. making out hell yes.
Being a catholic doesnt stop you from living your life.
I am not trying to prove anything. I am free spirited; maybe you should free yourself.
stop all the thejunks and the bulls that is stopping you from accepting who you really might be or even; living a life just for yourself.

just so can't believe that i am actually writing this at 10am in the morning;
how mind boggling.

2009-01-13T18:46:00.002+08:00

so quick; and it's the 13th of january, 2009.

anyway; happy birthday brandon meatspin.
happy birthday you meatspinner!

I was pondering alittle when i was staring at myself infront of the mirror;
i'm 18.( and a half ).
just how comical and amusing my 18th year on earth was.
all shits just come slapping at you when you're 18.
like - getting into a freaking car accident, contracting shingles, feeling such a big disappointment that made me feel defeated. friends arent friends; lost a girl-friend :( - well, she lost me ( a better way of putting it ) and many more which i dont want to name.

18. it has been such a rollercoaster ride in the year 2008.
i must admit the happys made me felt blissed with whatever i have; contrastingly, the sads made me felt defeated.

Oh well, I am very single and available; I thought of mentioning this here because someone asked if i was attached earlier when i was outside school and i went " no? "

sometimes, i feel sad for some couples who quarrel over trival matters. sigh; relationship isn't that way. they can quarrel over simple matters like travelling far away from each other? srsly; phu-lease! it's so bloody mind-boggling when such arguements occur when they are already in a relationship. isn't a relationship something between two partners who are willing to be selfless and love in a non-obligational manner. It saddens me how couple claims to the whole damn world that they are attached but their actions don't seem to reflect the fact that they are attached. ( im not trying to be a relationship doctor but its just my own opinion in relationship ).

some couples quarrel over monetary issues; yes; i'm not saying that money is not important in a relationship. It is ; but argumenting over such issues just depicts how much juvenility your relationship contains.

my ideal of a relationship or love is simply; awaking each day wanting to see my partner. the eagerness of wanting to meet my partner as soon as possible. the urge to know that my partner is doing fine. the constant images of my partners flashing across my mind.
I know it's pretty simple; but shouldn't a relationship all boils down to the point where no factor can change the love between the two partners? not money, not distance, not even your disputes over which movie to watch ( GOD! ).

i've been pretty much single all my life.
it's not a bad thing seriously.
living a life just for self.
many times, i thought i was ready to step into one but when it's all turning reality, i hurriedly back off.
i dont know if i am ready still.
i'm sorry if ive hurt anyone; i don't mean so.
even if i did, i chose to hurt you at the start when i didnt mean much.
i dont want to get into one relationship whereby i'll realise later that i can't love you whole-heartedly, trust me, it'll be much more painful at that time.
i hurt you because you're someone who matters and i don't want to lose you.

i hope you'll understand after reading this.
it really sucks when no is the word that comes out of my mouth constantly.
i'm terribly sorry.

2009-01-07T20:02:00.003+08:00

THANK YOU.

It was fun selling cookies today!
especially when it was all sold out within an hour.
thank you all who supported; thank you .

i will continue to bake more. HAHAHA.
baking is srsly getting fun. gosh.
(happyness)

alright; lets hit the reality tab now.
uhh okay tmr's openhouse. I have a presentation and I have to conduct a facility tour bus. GOSHGOSHGOSH. please pray that i wont lose my voice.
my voice is already sekzy enough.
kaythxbye reality.

2009-01-06T23:10:00.004+08:00

my cough's really persistent. i've been coughing,coughing and coughing just like that old man down route 66.

the day started off well. like really well ( not referring to anything that has got to do with my cough)
class ended at 1pm; and i was free after that! some minor crookup for projects but that wasnt enough to spoil my day.
i spent my afternoon being mummy'sboy. ( shopping with mommy :)
headed home short after and tried resting as my fever just shot up and i was coughing even more badly.
but that wasnt enough to kill my day.

what killed my day literally was seeing a tear-filled sister entering the house.
when i see her, she smiled. when i asked her, she claims that all is fine ( what a award winning act! ha!)
but that really really really really killed my day. i am not kidding.
for more than a year, i haven't seen my sister tear so badly to the extent that her whole eyebags were popping out like how you squeeze the eyes of a goldfish. ( well, literally; i havent tried that and never will )
my heart felt painful.
then i was pondering for some short moment; when was the last time i did something brotherly for my sister.
my heart sank in guilt. effing 0. what a delinquent brother. ( thank you ).

thus, i searched high ( woah so high ) and low for a family picture; and i found it when i was 2 years old and she was probably 6 (looking so darn cute ) with my mom looking so hot and my dad as ugly as ever; ( kay, ill take the "ugly" back ) and me looking as cute as ever. ( go ahead and bitch whatever) okay back to the main topic!

thus, i wrote her a postcard!!!! despite knowing how fugly my handwriting was, i still went on writing her a card!!!! ( mag if you read this, you must upload the picture! ) so many heartfelt words luh until my mom said im such a pro when she read it. heh. ( but fyi, i dont do this often; or rarely even do it) . there was this line which i love ; you may not be the perfect lover; but you're the perfect daugher and sister. heh .

okay. enough of blogging.
i just hope my voice recovers in time before openhouse even approaches.
ack!
ill be selling chocolate chip cookies / butter cookies tomorrow ( yes yes yes in school )
3 for a dollar gold coin.
call me at 90112155 to locate me cause ill be running around. but please please please buy from me.
they are like hand-baked and very much edible!
call me call me call me call me call me call me call me.

2009-01-04T14:05:00.002+08:00

party @ adam's was literally a blast.
adam, khaidan, fauzi, marcus, faith, chooo and myself.
what a great night filled with lots and lots of juicehhhhs.
heh.
gosh; :S sch's starting soon and why am i still suffering from a hangover almost every 2 days. well, i'm still 18. :)

Happy 2009 because I know this year will be even better and bigger and also more colourful. :)

2009-01-02T01:19:00.003+08:00

after thrashing it out with a friend, he told me; probably a blog entry will save me from having to explain myself over and over.

if you guys are still at it; thinking that something happened.
you guys are just brainless to even start a commotion over something so trival.
do you know how much i am actually affected by it? if that's your motive behind it, now you succeeded.

eversince i came into ngeeannpolytechnic, life has been full of false accusations.
what the fuck is wrong with you guys.
you all just make me feel as though i dont know anyone of you.
get a life.

i want you to know this, after thrashing out with my friend.
he said this; dont even feel affected when nothing happened; it's a waste of time.
right, why would i even want to waste my time over such matters. god, did my brain just shrunk ?

2009-01-01T17:23:00.002+08:00

here are just some videos to keep you guys going. smile. you look best when you're at it.
(youknowyoulovemycock). muhahahaha.
friggin koreans; they are just so good!

smile people. Y

2009-01-01T14:08:00.004+08:00

for those who care; the above messege is for you.
right; happy 2009,world.

i've had such a blast on newyearseve.
had such a fun time clubbing at phuture / mambo ( it sucked! )
phuture's just happening. really; i swear.
we had a hotelroom where shit happens too. - drinking and puking; drinking and puking. what a repitition.
heh; when the clock hits twelve, i swear, i kissed like a wild beast let loose.
I'll post the pretty pics up soon; its all with Miss.Faith ( who apparently is still going crazy over "that" guy)

my new year's resolution ; (nope; its not going to be those samitarian-wannabe ones- worldpeace; less disasters, yeah right; go ahead and suck my toes.)

uhhhm. right.
.making progress within us and not stay lukewarm. ( IT REALLY KILLS )
.show appreciation to my friends
.treasure my family time more.
.staying true to myself and be contented with my personal achievements.

thats all ( for now ) .

2008-12-08T20:08:00.002+08:00

what just happened?

i can't be bothered anymore.
i just can't seem to fathom all these any longer.
i know i'm drifting apart from you all.
the group i once so used to love.

perhaps i need time.
just perhaps....
.

now; why not you tell me what to do.
kaythxbai.

2008-12-01T23:07:00.002+08:00

The Battle commences on Friday; a test of endurance and preserverance.
How we manage the perpetually impossible leaking factor ; time.
How we commit everything to our numbskull.
It all begins.
now; let's all work hard for the dreaded common test.

weknowwehateitbutwestillhavetodoit.

2008-11-30T01:32:00.002+08:00

it has been many months; since i last went to church.

since when did my faith in lord fall by this much.
no; you dont measure it by going to church alone.
but the feeling of trusting,loving lord is no longer there.

i miss those times where i will be so enthusiastic towards god.
i miss those times of serving.

tell me what can i do.
sigh.
i know god loves me. i know he does.
but it's really disheartening when your faith in lord just starts to fade.
day by day.

2008-11-29T16:22:00.003+08:00

many people see this as fun.exciting.enticing.
its a whole load of bull; this i say.
somehow, i'm really worn out from this ratrace.
however, what's contenting is that i'm nearing the finishline.
somehow; somewhere.

at the end of the day; i know i won't regret this.
i know im able to do it.
it's within me.
and you.

2008-11-28T17:15:00.002+08:00

say hello to charissa and goodbye to tessa.

i love my dad;
i love my mom;
i love my sister;
thank you all three for making it a family matter even when it's me who's purchasing a laptop.
you three are all i can ever ask for in life.

2008-11-27T23:20:00.000+08:00

To all my friends still stuck in thailand.

please come back safely.

we are missing you already!

2008-11-27T19:45:00.002+08:00

it's really true when people say " the grass is greener on the other side ".

much to my dismay on how much i don't want to believe it, i think its all going haywire.

sigh. (icantbreathe.icantbreathe.)

oh well, on a lighter note; projects for this semester are more/less done!

sigh; it's somehow good taking up the initiative to lead in projects but somehow and somedays, you just feel so flustered and shitty that you just want to take a break.

right.

you know, my laptop crashed earlier last week.

and being the really retarded being, i forgot to backup my files! unlucky,much.

that explains why am i still online on msn at like 5-6am in the morning.

bottomline: backup your files today.

no i'm not finished, after the crash; the performance of my laptop has been really bad.

the other line; never get a lenovo cause it can go suck bricks.

mine's going to suck on bricks soon because i'm getting a new laptop real sooon.

but it's somewhere around vaio/asus/apple.

okay.

here is something which cracked me up real badly.

you know there are times when mothers just want to narrow down the generation gap .

here is a classic example.

[phonecall from mommy]

ed : Hey mom, What is it? My class just ended.
mommy : "hey dear; dad's colleague bought us a yamcake and it's damn nice! "
ed : "Oh okay "
-pauses for 5 second -
ed "Wait! what did you say the cake was? "
mommy: " damn nice! "

I swear, i laughed the loudest in the longest time ever.

end.

2008-11-12T22:27:00.002+08:00

why am i a victicm of all your unjust judgementalism.
why must it be me?

a friend once asked me " ed; when will you break down? you're always standing so high and tall; each time i see you. :

my reply was " sooner or later; i'm human too "

you can lash your swagging tongues and bitch about me; but please; don't get my friends involved. why must you label her as something i can't even see her as. just leave her alone; she's busy enough herself.

i'm not your average friend;
im just happy and thankful that i found you guys; so willing to stand by me;
never am i going to let myself get affected by the insignificant comments.
like i said; they are insignificant and they'll remain that way.

right now; im just thankful because of your mean and hurtful remarks; something positive came out of it. xoxo to ya'll -you sadistic people deserve them.
stop trying so hard to make me feel defeated because of all things in this damn world; i know i'm least affected.

kthxbye.

2008-11-11T21:08:00.003+08:00

it's been a long while ever since i started feeling this way.

the feeling of carrying a torch for someone; no; even i cant believe it.
i dont intend to ignite anything; it's never my wish and i doubt anything can turn out right.

perhaps; when the world's less judgemental.
for now; i really like this feeling and i just want it to stay that way.

alright; i'm just going to blog a short bit on my recent batam trip.

I went over on Friday Night while some of them were already over there.
I met up with gwendolyn and ning to meet up with dav and we headed over to batam!
the boat ticket is approximately 40+ for a 2 way trip; so it's rather worth it. HAHA.

we slept in one of dav's house;
i was rather delightful that i went there because i actually managed to catch some sleep!
heh; having only 2 hours of sleep a day is just murderous!!!

some of the fun stuffs we did were; wakeboarding, airgun shooting and uh oh ya; A&W! .
their waffles is just asswipe but too bad a&w is totally wiped off the shores of singapore. AHHH shucks.

hmm; that's about it.

to dav-
well; i have no idea why you totally psyched out on sunday night & that got me freaked out.
Being a host at a place so distant is defintely not an easy job; somedays, you feel unappreciated; somedays you felt really bad when indirect comments hurt your feelings. I could sense it all. I could sense that huge wave of disappointment you had; somehow.

all i can say now is; you have been one helluva host. I appreciate all that you and your parents had done for us; in terms of lodging, meals and entertainment. i appreciate it; i guess; next time, i'll show my appreciation by baking for you all.

thank you so much for giving me this 4D3N breakaway from school.
thank you so so much! I wished I could have stayed longer but time really didnt allow me to do so.

ever since i came back; i knew the reality button was already tabbed on.
back to the sad reality; schwork.
sigh.

2008-11-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

back from batam.

batam was Y .

what a good breakaway from the whatevers.
<3

" if i were a boy "

2008-11-05T00:34:00.002+08:00

somehow, the whole song is just tear-jerking!

the duos are much better than beyonce; vocally that is.
i really like their signature tagline "so we hope you guys like it, love it, hate it, whatever, just enjoy it and bear with us".
somewhat, they represent the pride of asians.

" If I were a boy I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed "

somehow, not all can relate to this song
but i believe selective people would be.
& i am just happened to be one of the unlucky ones.

i would like to end this entry with the following messege
" somedays, i love what you're doing to me;
yet somedays, i hate it. "

2008-11-01T07:42:00.003+08:00

well, i didn't manage to go for the np45 with the ambassadors.

but we went to somewhere with more crowd, more fun and more alcohol. teeeehaaaaaa!
we and a bus chartered to bring us to grand corptone's hotel which we had a room booked.
we dump all our belongings, place our final touchup and accessories and there we go.

ZOUK WAS FANTABULOUS

I saw JOYCEPEHPEH & CHERYLBEEEHOOON- BIG FAT ALUMNIS FROM NP AMBASSADORS.
it's halloween! we just couldnt stop dancing at the dancefloor.
we drank even more after we stopped dancing.
:o
fauzi and i were siblings of the night.

now i ask. when is our next session ? :O

2008-10-22T21:22:00.004+08:00

if there is any trait of myself which i want to get rid of, it would be; judgementalism towards others.

many times, we humans forget that we are humans too,
but, what gives us the right to judge ?
many times, we pinpoint our fingers at that somebody and label him as nobody.
may i ask, who are we to do that?

the question now is, why are we being so judgemental?
it's really an irony.
as much as i hate myself for being so judgemental, a part of me tells me that i have to.
the reason being; it's a self-defence mechanism which we humans has adopted over the years.

we ourselves were once victicm of such unfair treatment.
to get even, we treat others with such unjust.
this is a never ending cycle, until probably everyone opens up their mind and accepts everyone for who they are.

judgementalism kills .
it kills the grace which all human should have.
it kills off the charisma of any normal being.
judgementalism is thereby a murderer of all the good traits found in a human being.
thus, redeem yourself! redeem mankind.

stop judgementalism!

people.

2008-10-19T20:28:00.002+08:00

Recently, I have been pondering on quite a number of matters which i am glad i did because i already found an answer to those queries; many.

a friend once told me "karma will get you"
now, it really has; to the extend that i am feeling true blue miserable inside.
i've been throwing a bitfitch these few days thus, i do really want to apologise to any whom i had offended.

somehow, i feel that i lost my drive and determination in life.
perhaps love will spice things up but. ( buts... again)
perhaps this ratrace is truly tiring, real tiring to the degree that i just can't be bothered anymore.
however, i found a new self.
a self which i am going to embrace and i hope people will respect that.

i think quiet time is needed at this moment.
i need time to think of what i really want, in life, in love and in everything.
i need someone to purge me
! i need a new beginning; somehow.

respect.

2008-10-13T23:50:00.003+08:00

many people proclaims " get a life ".
yeap. right now, i'm going to get my life back.
i should have lived my life like that ever since then.

moment of realisation, 18 years of stupidity. how amusing.

life as an urbanite.

2008-10-04T22:42:00.002+08:00

experiences are meant to make us stronger.
my heart was deeply shattered today.
many of us would ponder; why. just why did this happened?
what has she done wrong?
the angelic eyes; those beaming smiles; the innocence we all once used to have.
it just makes no sense.

perhaps, 2008 just isn't a good year.
2008 is the year when i should be all happy and joyous that i'm 18.
a point where i am able to shoulder the social and legal responsibilities.
a year when i should be soaring so high.

yet today, my heart sank.
probably one year ago, she was still up and jumping.
probably she would have the fondest memory of children's day.
probably... just probably.

i just hope that she will be able to find peace in her new found home.
that god will always shelter her from all harm.
that angels surround her away from demons and bads.

i think, it's really time.
time for me to explore my religion.
time for me to value it.
time for me to change it if need be.

both my mom and i will be in church to offer a mass service on her behalf.
i'll turn vegeterian, all in her good will.
i can't forget those pictures.
those pictures of her smiles.

life is just ridiculously mocking fun at us.
in times like this,
just shut up and listen to your friend.
whoever it may be.
whatever they are.

god bless you.

feeling helpless.

2008-10-03T05:42:00.002+08:00

whenever my friend faces any difficulty, i just hate it when i can't do anything to make him feel better.

i use to think that i'm blessed with almost everything.
but not quite. I'm missing a gift.
the gift to console people when they are down.
somehow, i realised i'm rather insensitive with my words, so much that it turns out to be offensive if intepreted wrongly which i really hate.
i am an ambassador.
telling the whole world about how good my school is. not a tough feat.
consoloing someone who just lost someone dear to them? total blank out.

sometimes i wonder, if life's really out to get us.
i'll pray for you. i really will. that is a promise.
now we all love you so you have to love yourself.
read this: i love you. so stay strong!

m.of.sound

2008-10-01T05:50:00.002+08:00

totally, that was where we went after much contemplation.

oh no, we were on the dancefloor as soon as we got in, all the way until light's up. we were moving as if we were high on ecstacy!!! this is bad, i pretty much forsee that this will be an addiction. tsktsktsk. and my mom's sensing it. seeing her son who comes home after 5.30am in the morning for many times this week, she went " don't make it an addiction. "

and i just bidded my parents goodbye as they will be going overseas! ima such a filialboy as i made it home just in time to bid them goodbye. tskie.

you know i just realised something.
it take a minute to form a friendship but it takes a lifetime to forge a bond in that friendship.
when you all say " she's my good friend."
do you really mean it, so much that you managed to forge some bond within that short span of time or do you just say it for the sake of saying it. if you agree to the latter, oh boy, ima give you some sympathy ( oh no, don't reject it. you'll be needing it )

youknowwhoyouare. haha it was a good night spent with you. even though things werent pretty much the same, im still really happy happy happy happy with you.

honeybuns.my.love.

2008-09-30T14:22:00.002+08:00

heh. the world is not that blue afterall =]

i'm recovering well. i really am!

okay i'm so going to ground myself at home for the days when i have nothing on.
i've been having way too much fun that it went out of control.
like my body clock is totally wrecked.

ima club with cindy later on tonight, i was totally puzzled.
like " who clubs on a tuesday night? "

so i quickly text cindy and said " hey cindy, like i dont think there'll be alot of people on a tuesday night? "
and she went " ouh, its a public holiday tomorrow "
i replied " wait, children's day only apply to primary sch kids? "
she replied " edmund!!! it's hari raya !!!! "

totally got me for 5 seconds!
tahahahaha.
events coming up.
8-9 SL CAMP.
10-11-12 CHALET WITH TA04.

somehow, when your social life gets fun, you really miss the times where you can just lie in bed and rot at home.

life's a contradiction.
its not life.
it's us.
humans are.

dick's birthday celebration

2008-09-28T20:57:00.003+08:00

meet dick the dickhead!

along with his fellow musketeers
dick went " BERNICE, why you drink so much alcohol"
we started doing sillystuffs. bernice with that korean bun.
dick being the dickhead is showing off his pubic hair
i didnt wanted to do it, they forced me to.
bernice, stop being so horny!

"i need my a lipstick that can make my man go UGHHH" they were all effectively dead but i was high on caffeine

2008-09-21T17:08:00.002+08:00

right.
talking about results.
i'm contented with it.

i was rather amused when no slight sense of disappointment was present when i took a glance at my results slip.
my gpa's 3.8+ and i'm contented already because i only studied at the eleventh hour, well probably not, what i meant was, i didnt placed in enough effort this semester as compared to the previous 2 semesters.

in any other way, no. i'm not staying in singapore to do my degree. i'll be going overseas to do it so seriously, i can't be bothered if there are any 4 pointers who are boasting infront of my presence.

like i said, it takes a whole deal to make me feel envious. so try harder. tsk!

some of my friends would have known that i got shingle-d and it's making me very depressed. LUCKILY it's no where near my face. tsktsktsk. i'm nowhere near the road to recovery but i'm still fighting against it like a warrior! ( hopefully, it wont be a warrior turn pimp ). pardon me, i'm really lethargised by all these medications i'm taking in 6 times a day...

thank you, mom

i know you care, i know you do.
i know that it hurts you.

you must be feeling lousy that you aren't able to do anything to make me feel better.
it doesn't matter.
it does not.

what i know matter is, you are my most beloved woman by a veryvery long mile.

-end-

2008-09-20T12:49:00.003+08:00

oh no.

i've consulted the doct. on some red rashes that broke out when i was in china. gooodie. screw that place.

apparently, it's a viral infection under the same range as chickenpox but as i already had chickenpox before, nope. im not going to be having that.

but the red rashes are disgustingly disturbing.
and to curb that, im gonna need to take tablets 6 times a day and wooohooo, no more alcohol! no more alcohol. no more alcohol for the time being.

but wait, it wasn't caused by alcohol intoxication. it was passed on to me by some faggots who has the virus and probably due to my low body immune system, i got the damn irritating virus.
dang.

. should i .
. should i not.
. should i .
. should i not.
. should i .
. should i not .

all i have to say is that, a good english conversationalist really really turns me on.
wait, that's not the main point.

hahaha! sometimes i wonder, why why why don't they feel disgusted with what they are doing and even worse. what they are wearing.

nevermind,
ppl go vogue glamour, they go vogue shitheads.
whatever you do, just dont try too hard. please.

i am meeting my dentist later.
YES! FINALLY.
he will be saving me from the world's greatest disaster.
the food in china is really outstanding
my braces broke with the bracket coming off.
how cool is that. like totally!

then ill probably cab off to town to meet up with the fellow ambassadors.
now i'm getting sleepy. oh no.

2008-09-20T02:31:00.002+08:00

tum-te-dum..
it's 2.33am and im still awake. i should be sleeping!

hurhur.
i'm back from cheeeena-shanghai.
the really memorables about this trip, isn't about shopping, no. it's not that.
what's really memorable is knowing the fellow stuents and lecturers who went.

prior to the trip, i had no idea or rather, little knowledge of the people from the other semester. well, now i know.

talking about my new class for god knows why. i mean. ahhhh. ( im just about to scream my lungs out and cough some bloood out )

cheenas cheenas cheenas cheenas no more. please!

for a moment.

2008-09-07T15:21:00.004+08:00

for a moment, i thought i was really bidding you guys goodbye for good.

i thought i was gone for good.

if you haven't figured out, i got into a car accident last night at around 12am - 1 am in the midst of celebrating cindy's and wesley's memorable birthday. so much for a memorable one.

it was raining the whole night and god.

obviously the road was wet and slippery i suppose.

we had 2 cars with us and both cars got crashed. In addition, an indian man's car, got smacked right at the ass too.

wesley and cindy was in their own car while i was in y.chong's car.

holy crap. i have no idea why y.chong suddenly wanted to overtake wesley's car just before a cornering and y.chong managed to overtake wesley's car and we were on the middle lane... then the car just got out of control!!!!

it started skiing on the road! HOLY CRAP. at that moment, i didnt know what happened, i could just hear w.bin shouting out to y.chong " What are you doing? ". The car skiied to the right and it smashed right into an indian's man car and that car turned 180 degrees all the way to the front.

wesley and cindy saw what was going on and they stopped the car at some distance behind us.

AND NO. it didnt stop there. the momentum of the car i was sitting in was still going on STRONG. It spinned another 360 degrees all the way to the back, towards the direction of wesley's car. HOLY CRAP. I TELL YOU. I was at a loss for words. I WAS SPEECHLESS.

everything happened in just a swift. I have to thank god though. fucking fucking shit. I have no idea why i persisted on putting on a seatbelt even though i was at the back seat!!! everything just flew everything, my spectacles which was supposed to be on my face flew right below the front seat! everything in my bag was scattered!

and the most bizzare thing was, i have a necklace with a catholic pendant. the miraculous thing was, the necklace did not break. it was intact but the pendant DISAPPEARED!!!! i searched everywhere but i couldn't find it. CRAP. ( I can't buy it anymore, it was given to me at the international catholic conference) CRAP, it was one that i loved very much.

nevermind. i really have to thank god, thank god. all 5 of us are safe, with no serious injuries though i suffered from some bruises at my hip and back due to the impactful knockings. SERIOUSLY AH. at that moment, I was thinking " HOLY CRAP. AM I STILL IN A DRAMA OR WHAT. " . no wait, i couldnt even think straight. all i knew was that something was flowing out of my nose profusely, thankfully it wasn't blood!!! it was water from i dont know where.

I lost my life once but am thankful to be given another. those who have nothing to do and claims that they want to die should seriously experience what we went through. fucking shit no, i do not want to die. do you know how we felt when the car was spinning like nobodys business ? we thought we were going to die. seriously.

we were trembling when we got out of the car. i had to be told to get off the car cause i was in too much of a shock. i was just thinking " am i finished? " ...

thank god, the invention of seatbelts really saved our sorry asses. ALL 5 of us had seatbelts on.

we were thankful for that indian man's car as that knock against his car actually reduced the momentum by quite a bit already before we smashed right into wesley's car. can you imagine if the indie's car did not pass by & a full impact smash was hit onto wesley's car?

I guess i wouldn't be here typing this entry, with much unfinished.
apparently i told my mom and not my dad for fear that he would flare up. sigh.
right. i think i better put up some pictures but just one because it isn't a sight too sightly.
i am not in a position to comment much but i am just glad that no one was injured. seriously.

fuck. i cannot die ! i have yet written my will. my last words to my parents and sister and all my friends, buddies and everything. now, i'm viewing life from a very different pov. don't waste it, it's precious.

2008-09-05T12:48:00.002+08:00

i know.

i know this isn't a time for me to play emo-peeko but i just can't help but feel that way.
puffs after puffs, drinks after drinks. no. it doesnt fill me up. i feel void deep within. ( i really do )

i doubt i'll ever dare to cross the line.
that very fine line.
what i need now is someone to hold my hands and take me across that line, together.

i once came across this quote which i thought it as meaningful, much.

a ship will always be safe by the jetty with the anchor rooted firmly on the seabed.
that ship has nothing to worry about. no harsh currents with thunderstorms, no whirlpool, no nothing.

but ask yourself.
is that why ships are being built?
that they are meant to be parked all day long by the jetty?
no. they are meant to set sail, brave through whatever comes their way.

i know my ship's built but it has yet to set sail.
i'm so much in need of a sailor right now. ahh!

right, enough of all these emoelmo typings.

i have some videos to share with you guys which i thought it as seriously amusing. you have to watch it!

"Charlie Bit My Finger"

" I'm gonna kick his ass"

innocence, much. seriously.
kthxbye.

2008-09-04T01:28:00.006+08:00

Youth Leaders Academy @ the loft.

seriously speaking. YLA is simply the best camp by the furthest mile. you get to sleep in well-furnished apartments ( other than a missing television ), there are clean bathrooms but sad fact was, i was there playing the role of an ambassador and not a camper.

I brought my camera along to camwhore just incase my campers bore me out but they didn't! they displayed an awesome feat of leadership skills which i've learnt from them (vice-versa)
seriously, spartans from yla3 are by a far mile, my favourite bunch of campers.

their ability to pick themselves up from their lowest lows impressed me so much that i was in a emotional shipwreck when we broke camp on sunday. they even got me bonded with them. i was literally touched. i'm missing them but you know what, there's a outing with em on sunday. seriously, i can't wait to see all of them!!

my favourite picture of the whole camp ( non-contactual shot)
davis.
Thoma!!!!
Mark Keong with e Campers

Joey & Aiman
What despair, What sadness.
Dyon's smile perked me up!
Jessinta! ( thanks for the vid) but she wasn't food deprived. was she?

Even more food deprivation!
Colour Accent.
Feeling hungry? Do what Nikk Does!
benedict & me

mayflower sec?

sherwin & benedict
wait, why them again?
dearest spartans. I love you all!
that's right. I see a leader in each and everyone of you!

aw dang.

spartans from yla3.

thank you all for making such a difference in my life.

thank you all for making me feel rejuvenated even though i had less than 10 hrs of slp for 4d3n duration.

it was your energy that kept me going.

thank you all!

2008-09-04T01:07:00.003+08:00

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet."

love me for who i am.
how true. how true.

often we are blinded by whats visible to the naked eye.
we trusted our eyes,
we trusted our feelings,
we trusted ourselves,
with no concern that they may all be a lie.

we held on tight to that belief.
we ignored the unpleasants.
we dare not dream, yet
we made them our life divine.
with no reservations that it would all hurt us.

i dare not fathom what's going on.
i dare not confront you.
i dare not imagine of what's happening.
i dare not ask but feel apprehensive.

all that's in my mind is
your glorious smile
your eyes so wide
your nose so implish
your lips so tender.

i only know.
i only know that you matter.
nothing else does.

2008-08-31T21:55:00.002+08:00

Youth Leaders Academy 3

YLA3 has been a great blast.
I'll upload the picture sometime soon. I promise!

I'm really worn out. reallyreallyreally.
slept for less than like 9 hours for the past 4 days. that's pretty bad but i don't give shit cause i know it was all worthwhile.

the campers wrote me a shoutout and one of it says " don't look so sad. . . . . "

I have no idea that I was actually showing sadness in the first place. well, you can call me one anal ass. i'm a person who likes to ensure that everything's in order and making sure that everyone enjoys the camp even if it's at the expense of myself not being able to enjoy the camp fully. i seriously don't mind so no worries to that.

I seriously learnt so much from this camp.
thank you campers. thank you spartans in particular.
loveyall.

2008-08-28T01:57:00.003+08:00

EXORCISMANIAC.

i've been watching alot of movies on exorcism recently.
and it sure isn't helping when im watching it in the night.
but, it is really thrilling. really. (:

talking about something which some may already know,
my life isn't just about that friggin. team.
no, it doesnt revolve around that.
i'm glad i found my life back. i'm so glad i'm over it. i'm so glad i doubt that i'll ever give that shit a 100%.

why you ask? there's just no point already because i've found things much better than that.
like taking time out to learn something new. having time for myself to just lay on bed and read a magazine.
it's so carefree isn't it?, wouldn't you agree much?

Alright back to - The Exorcism of Emily Rose

2008-08-26T00:07:00.003+08:00

What I wouldn’t give to wake up and find that my whole life has been a bad dream and we’re all still 17.

how true is that. I know I wouldn't. heh.

I managed to watch this movie named melinda&melinda. I'm really happy that I managed to watch this after so long.

many times in life, we percieve things the way we want and not how we should and this is something which i still cant fathom much.

but after this movie, it just helped a little, i know im getting there. heh.

moving on, i actually went back to school on a monday which is supposed to be a holiday. no, you can't call me a loser. i was helping out in the preparation for yla3 so just suck on that. wait, actually. maybe i'm quite a loser. ahhhhh dang.

pardon me for my incoherent typing. you want to know why? i was drinking earlier. whooops and i could still type with such a sober mind. you just gotta suck on that twice shouldn't you?

you know you should.
alright, kthxbye.

2008-08-25T01:39:00.003+08:00

vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

i'm glad that this semester has ended, in a delightful way.
i've found my priorities in life and it really spurs me on to keep moving and marching on like a gladiator.
i'm so over the whole issue now, you do meet ppl and ppl simply love to stab you from the back. yeah, that's nothing new. i'm so over this whole friggin. scheme.

i finally have time for myself, to breathe.
seriously, i just can't wait for ns to commence and end asap.
so that i'll be able to further my studies in australia.

it took me a while to finally set my mind on australia.
struggling within on whether it should be local or overseas, if overseas, where?
after much contemplation and consultations, i'm set on australia.

seriously speaking, i'm so over polylife.
the same old mundane routine.
i'm just getting sick of it.
getting sick of doing the same thing.
cabbing to somewhere else just because the bus is always crowded.
i'm so sick of seeing the same people putting on that friggin. facade.

i'm just so sick of everything.
right now, i need to go take a poo.
i remembered saying before, i really need to rest before i'll throw the poo back right at your face.

kthxbye

2008-08-08T05:06:00.002+08:00

you know what will i be saying?

the weather has been like a moronic bitch. it fluctuates so much that my spermcount just lowered. & this freaking weather fluctuation has indirectly affected me, causing me to be ill-stricken with sorethroat,fever, and slight flu.

corelation you speak? its definitely there because association is causation.

i have absolutely no idea why am i awake still at 515am. this hour, so unearthly.

okay, as of 8/8/08. 9 days left. i haven't touched shits. i better cause if i don't i think ill get screwed hard.

uhhh speaking of which. momo&popo got me a new toy, a massage chair. i was like at a lossssssssssss of words but i think ill love them twice the amount as i do for, for putting themselves into my shoes - understanding the misery of an unconfessed student. ( PERIOD ).

loveyall.
kthxbye.

2008-08-02T15:38:00.002+08:00

tittle : thank you.

thank you all for making this semester so pleasant..
thank you all for making us feel so at ease.
thank you all for cracking up jokes.
thank you all for doing your best at everything for it never fails to spur me on.
thank you, TA04.

seriously speaking. though, we never had lunch together before as a class.
but from the bottom of amanda's and my heart. we were really guilty. i mean i was. when we had to decline your offer of goodwill; requesting us to join the class for lunch..

amanda's birthday was on 1st august.
and i baked her a cake! oreo cheeeeeeeeeeeeeesecake.
wait. no, i'm not cheesey.
initially, i wanted to bake her something else cause i'm so over oreo cheesecake.
uhhh but you know, i didn't have enough time to prepare the ingredients so i could only afford to bake her an oreo cheesecake if not, i really wanted to bake her something else. heh.

oh well. but nevermind about that.

i'm so not looking forward to the major e.
it's daunting.
and i hate it. garh.

2008-07-27T08:48:00.002+08:00

time check. - 8.47am.

infact, i've been awake ever since 5am.
i have no idea but yes, i've been waking up irregularly. ( sometimes at 3, sometimes at 4 )
i think i've lost mankind's very own natural ability and that is to sleep for long hours.

actually, i've been thinking a whole deal!
where is that old me?
where i would bother to even treat you people as my "hi-bye" friends and now, it's evident that we won't even acknowledge each other's presence.

well, i have to say it's my fault. ( then again, is it really my fault?)

no, i'm not feeling guilty nor bad about it.
it's just a random thought and i never wanted it this way but since it happened, i have to live with it.

the fact is, i never really needed you people in the beginning anyway.
you people don't matter nor do i give shit about you. no i don't. srsly and really.

so

so

so

SO.

SO.

STOP RUNNING ME DOWN AS IF YOU ARE AT ANY LIBERTY TO DO SO.
NO, IT'S NOT YOU WHOM I HATE. IT'S THE THINGS YOU DO WHICH I REALLY HATE AND I WILL NEVER IN MY LIFE, BE ABLE TO FATHOM WHY YOU ARE DOING IT.

but as i've mentioned, no it doesn't matter.
i've seen and been in shits much deeper than this. yours is just mediocre.
so.
yes.

oh shit, i need some laxative now, cause you know what?
i've stored all the shits you thrown at me. yes, i've taken them down & swallowed them still!
right now i need a big dosage of laxative to give em back right at your face.

2008-07-24T20:28:00.002+08:00

finally, i cleared all my posts from march till present. i happened to catch a glimpse of them by chance and those posts seriously didn't feel too long ago. i still can't fathom the rationale of me deleting all my previous posts, but i guess like how bennie always tell me " what matters most is the present, not the past nor future."

sometimes, what leaves me dazzled is this world. this stupid world that is filled with so much uncertainties. there's just too much of loopholes, and if i were to give you the benefit of doubt, i'll turn back to my own ways of being led by the nose just like how you walk your dog.

no.
edmund has his mind. eddie has his own views and he believes in them. so much for all these shits you have been throwing at me constantly.
this episode is over and i'm glad it is.
you are out of my life. really.

read this.
KTHXBYE